


Icarus

by lions_llamas_angels_and_demons



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 66 Seals (Supernatural), Apocalypse, Backstory, Canon Backstory, Cas doubting heaven, Castiel Learns to be Human, Dean Winchester Teaches Castiel to be Human, Demons, Deviates From Canon, Episode: s04e01 Lazarus Rising, Episode: s04e10 Heaven and Hell, Fallen Angel Castiel, Falling Angels, First Meetings, Heaven vs Hell, Love at First Sight, M/M, Uriel Being a Dick, falling from grace, season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 08:29:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5620243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lions_llamas_angels_and_demons/pseuds/lions_llamas_angels_and_demons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Castiel never understood why angels would choose to fall, until he meets the man that taught him everything</p><p> </p><p>- OR -</p><p> </p><p>Where Castiel chooses to fly too close to the sun, and Dean teaches him why it shines.<br/>(Aka. Castiel learns what it means to love.)</p><p> </p><p>NOTE: all of this is seen looking back as a narrative to Castiel's life, and all characters listed are mentioned, but from an angel's perspective.</p><p>(and this is a Castiel/Dean Winchester fic, the Anna Milton/Dean Winchester is only mentioned)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Icarus

The apocalypse was a trying experience for the entirety of heaven’s host. There were six hundred different seals, and Lillith only had to break sixty-six of them to release Lucifer. Despite all their best efforts, the storm clouds were looming over them, and it seemed to be only a matter of time before the first bolt of lightning struck. Castiel found this challenge the most difficult of any he had ever faced. He was an angel. An ethereal being, created since the dawn of the planet. He had seen the creation of the human race, watched the rise and fall of civilizations who thought they would last forever, and witnessed heavens power, proved again and again through the course of time. Ever since he could remember, orders were orders, and they had never failed him before.

Castiel had watched angels fall. He watched Lucifer torn from heaven, simply to spite humanity, and he watched Anna rip out her own grace for the opposite reason. He never really understood. To him, earth was a place they looked down upon, occasionally changing some things, and directing the humans in others. It had always seemed so far away, something almost fake, plastic maybe. Kind of like those antique dolls that were kept in their boxes stacked on high shelves, meant to be seen but never touched, never felt. That is what humanity felt like to Castiel.

The apocalypse changed everything for him. For the first time since Castiel could remember, heaven was losing. He remembered the day he received the orders to drag a damned soul from hell. He was never told the reason, only that Dean Winchester was important, and heaven had plans for him. He remembered hell, the flames and the heat, the screaming of tortured souls cast into eternal pain. He remembered the touch that bound them together. Castiel remembered the feeling of power, leading his brothers up from the depths of perdition grasping this human soul. The angel didn’t know it yet, but Dean Winchester was about to become much more important to him, than he was to heaven.

When Castiel first came face-to-face with the human he rescued, a knife had pierced through his chest. Literally. It barely felt like a pinprick, leaving his grace untouched and his vessel to heal itself, but the stab had done something to him that he didn’t quite understand.  
Dean Winchester was loyal. Yes, Castiel could see it clearly, loyalty. It was one of the few emotions all angels were born with, it was sewn into the fibers of their grace with a powerful hand. In humans, this kind of loyalty was uncommon, if not absolutely rare. It was a fierce loyalty. A burning loyalty. The kind of loyalty that would drive a man to stand and attack a creature of the highest power, with a weapon he knew would have no effect, simply because there was someone there for him to protect. It was the kind of loyalty that would cause someone to risk his life for people he didn’t know, and make promises he may have to sell his soul to keep. It was angelic loyalty, found in the heart of a human.

After the rising of the witnesses, the next seal to be broken would summon the demon of Samhain. Castiel was ordered to return to earth with his brother, Uriel, to find the righteous man once more. The only orders they were given, were to follow the instructions of Dean Winchester. When Uriel suggested destroying the city, the flames of loyalty were shown once more, when Dean stood against the angels of heaven and refused to leave. The seal was broken, but the people were saved, and it was the first time Castiel didn’t know whether the decision that was made, was the right one. For the first time, the line between good and evil was blurred. For the first time, there was a grayscale between the black and white, and for the first time, Castiel believed more in a human, than he believed in heaven. 

Dean Winchester was determined, there was no doubt about that. Over time Castiel watched the two of them traipse around the country, saving people they didn’t know, and risking death every day. Humans, Castiel thought, were very interesting creatures, and he didn’t think he would ever understand what drove them to do what they did. He didn’t understand, until once again, it was the righteous man who gave him a glimpse of what he was missing. 

When Anna was discovered to be on earth, Castiel was sent to bring her back. He never understood what had become of his sister, and had a flurry of mixed emotions about finding out. Of course, orders were orders, and he had no choice. Seeing a fallen angel on earth, was something Castiel never thought he would have to experience. Watching Anna willingly give herself to heaven to save the Winchesters, confused him beyond belief, but what truly struck a chord in him was Dean and Anna’s goodbye. Castiel had never seen anything like it before. Of course, he had watched from heaven while humans went about their daily lives, and had seen this sort of thing from a distance, but up close, it was different. 

Angels don’t feel emotions, but they can see them. When Anna said goodbye to Dean, it wasn't with her speech. She bid him farewell with her eyes, and her mouth, and every part of her. Castiel watched closely, and, he thought maybe he almost understood why she fell. The emotions he saw, he had never felt, but he could only imagine what it would be like. He almost wanted to defy heaven and leave her there. Of course, orders were orders, and he didn’t have a choice.

Castiel doubted heaven for a long time, putting more faith in the Winchesters, than his brothers. He fell from grace years later, tearing out the core of his powers and plummeting to earth in a storm of flames. Dean Winchester taught him about humanity. He taught him about emotions, sadness, happiness, devotion, passion, love, and what it meant to be called family. He taught him that there was never a black-and white to life. He taught him that everything is so much more complicated than, ‘orders are orders’. Dean taught Castiel about free will. He taught him that no matter what happens, there is always more than one choice, and no matter how hard things get, there is always a way out. He taught Castiel how to appreciate the world around him, and how every burst of sunlight was brighter when you had someone to share it with. 

Yes, Castiel was born an angel. He was born a soldier of heaven. He was born without doubt, emotions, or love, but somewhere along the line, something changed. He learned what it means to feel loyalty, not because you have to, or because you were made that way, but because you choose to. Castiel learned what it was to love someone, and he got his first lesson, from a broken man, in a barn in Pontiac, Illinois.

**Author's Note:**

> I sort of intended to create another fic (this is more of a ficlet) sort of similar to this, and this was never really an idea, but OH WELL!! IT EXISTS!! I do have many more Castiel/Dean Winchester fic ideas, along with a few Dan Howell/Phil Lester and Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, (but its mostly Destiel) so, please subscribe, if you liked it! Also kudos and comments are greatly appreciated. You can find my tumblr here: http://ofbrokenwingsandglowingsouls.tumblr.com  
> Send me an ask if you have any fic requests or ideas, please don't be afraid to ask! If you like my writing, and want to become mutuals, message me on tumblr, or send me an ask, I would love to hear from you!


End file.
